Monday, July 25, 2011

Naming Your Child

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."

The mother: "What did you name her?!?"

Brother: "Denise!"

The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"

Brother: "The second one was a boy."

The Mom:
"Oh, and what did you name him?"

Brother: "Denephew."

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Measuring On The Job

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repositioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long".

Monday, July 11, 2011

Masculine Or Feminine

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
  1. 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
  2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Family Of Tomatoes

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"